FLIGHTLESS BIRD, AMERICAN MOUTH

[DENVER CARLOS HURLEY]

Maybe Denny should start believing in Guardian Angels. He didn’t really believe in much deity in any case (he’d never really been brought up that way), but recently the world had turned around and things were looking up for him. He’d been lucky that the book store still had a job for him when he and Annie had gotten back from New York, and he’d worked hard to show how grateful he was for it. Despite the party on the beach, he felt like the marriage wasn’t so tense anymore. He’d broken through it, and had helped Annie – at least he hoped he had. It seemed like he had, but maybe he was just excited that she wasn’t just avoiding him anymore. He could go home and not really worry about whether or not she was going to look at him because she would. He knew she would. He knew she’d want to hold on to him because that was what felt good. Everything seemed good, and any religious person would try to convince Denny that it was because he was being watched by a Guardian Angel. But he would say otherwise. Denny would just say that his life was looking up, that his luck was getting better, and that hard work got him where he wanted to be.

If that were true, if there really was a Guardian Angel looking out for Denny all of the sudden, it was with him at work that day. It was far enough after the beach incident that everything was nice and calm, but that didn’t make it any easier for Denny to stay calm when he was called into the staff room at the end of his shift that day. The room was bright and his boss, along with his boss, were sitting at the table that Denny usually sat at for lunch or on breaks. Denny’s boss smiled and said, “Please Denver, take a seat.” It was weird for him to call Denny by his full name like that, but he didn’t say anything against it. He just took a seat and folded his hands together on the table like he was in first grade. There was a quick silence before his boss was speaking again. “Denver, I’ve spoken to Mr. Harrison here, my boss, and we’ve come to some conclusions.” That sounded scary. Denny didn’t know what to think – were these good or bad conclusions? Well, Denny hadn’t been stealing. He hardly went for coffee on the one end of the store and he never really used his employee discount because he’d rather sell the books than take them home where they didn’t have a distinct place to be. Was he in trouble? All he could do was wait; words wouldn’t formulate in his head so he sat blankly and waited.

“We’ve been evaluating your work, as well as some of your co-workers. There’s a higher position open, a managerial position open at another one of our stores. Based on what we’ve collected, and despite your leave of absence a few weeks ago, we’ve decided that you’re perfect for the position.” That was why Denny thought he had to believe in some sort of Angel or whatnot. Something was helping him, right? But he didn’t really believe in Angels and Gods, just animals and shifting and love, but the latter was really only reserved for one person. Still, the sound of a promotion was music to his ears. He could afford that house he’d dreamt of with the Jacuzzi and pool set, a tire swing – the works of a suburban home, even if he didn’t necessarily see himself or Annie becoming a very suburban couple. Still, this offer was probably something he couldn’t turn down. It seemed that way so far. He let his boss go on. “The store’s in Hyannis. Now normally with such a small distance, we wouldn’t ask people to move, but the store is closer to the corporate offices and if you’re interested in taking the position, you may have to end up going to meetings there.”

Denny looked from his boss to his boss’s boss. This was really happening, but it wasn’t the promotion that was exciting him. It was the possibility of finding that house, of living in a place where no one knew who they were or what had gone on in their lives, finding a place where they could have room and be able to shift and not worry about finances….that was what made Denny extremely happy. Thinking about going away with Annie, getting out of a place where people knew them too well, made Denny smile a bit, but he kept himself from smiling too much as to not creep out the bosses. He wanted to further impress them, make them see that they’d made the right choice in giving him this promotion. “The salary’s much higher than the one you’re getting now and the hours are manageable, but more plentiful than the ones you’re working here. They need this position filled as soon as possible, but we want to give you the opportunity to talk this over with your family.” Was this really happening? Denny didn’t ever remember hearing about an offer that came with options like this. Well, he couldn’t just take this for granted. He knew Annie wouldn’t really mind moving, though she might have an issue with whether or not the area had forested lands. But those were all over the place this far north. From this point on the land was basically forest or beach, and most of the time the forest is the only place that was warm enough to visit (except for this time of the year).

Denny didn’t have a problem with just taking the offer there and then. He agreed to the terms (he’d get his next few pay checks from this store in advance in order to be able to afford moving – the money would come out of his next pay check from the managerial position in Hyannis; he had to be in Hyannis within the next month for the offer to stay valid; the company would pay for a hotel until he found a house, unless of course they found a house before they moved out of their current place of residence) and was on his way. Right after the meeting, Denny clocked out with a huge smile on his face and headed down the road towards the apartment. He had a habit these days of standing outside the door and sighing, but he was trying to break it. He’d only started to do that because of how Annie was treating him, but since that was supposedly over, he needed to just walk in and go find her. Denver forced himself to do just that; he opened the door and stepped in with an easier stride than he’d thought he would have. Beast looked up from the couch, stared at Denny for a moment, and when he realized that he wasn’t going to come and stroke his fur, put his head back on his paws and went back to sleep. Denny could hear Leo from the bedroom, yelping but not exactly barking, because he knew Denny was home but he didn’t want to leave Annie alone to greet Denny.

He walked into the bedroom and found Annie with Leo, just enjoying each other because they were all the other had when he wasn’t around. Denny kept smiling though; he just couldn’t stop. He slid out of his shoes and pulled his shirt out of his pants (why he’d tucked it in today, he couldn’t remember, but apparently it put a good impression on the bosses) before sitting on the bed. He ran a hand down Leo’s back – head to tail – before looking at Annie. “I have awesome news!” He was so excited. It still wasn’t the promotion itself that did this to him – it was the prospect of really being able to give Annie everything she wanted that made his head spin in the best way he’d ever imagined. First, before telling her anything else, Denny leaned forward and kissed her, then only pulled away far enough so he could speak. He had to place a hand on the bed to be able to balance himself in the position that he took, but he didn’t really mind it. “I got a promotion today.” He said it like it was nothing, just some random even that had happened during the day. Denny shrugged to give it that effect, but he wasn’t really out to set a mood. He just wanted Annie to know what had actually happened. “We, uh. We’re gonna have to move to Hyannis, but we can get a bigger place – a house. We can take Leo and Beast….if he’ll wanna come with us.” He stopped, kissed her again, then pulled back again but kept his other hand on her cheek. “We’ll have more money and maybe even a house with acres of land to ourselves.” He couldn’t exactly promise her that was what they were going to get, but he’d be damned if he didn’t look as hard as he could for it.

That was all it took. Annie agreed almost immediately. Denny liked to think it was because she felt the same way he did about the situation; she liked the prospect of a new place, being somewhere where no one knew them, having all that land to themselves. The next weekend, when Denny didn’t have to work, they went up to Hyannis and looked at houses. Denny made it clear – no apartments, but houses with high ceilings and tall towers were okay, even though that last detail was a bit unrealistic. And they actually found a place. No high towers and relatively low ceilings, but high enough so Denny didn’t have to bend over just to walk through the house like he was Alice in Wonderland. The outside was cute; the neighborhood seemed nice; the inside was quaint but spacious enough for the two of them, Leo, Beast, and guests (for the moment). It was so much more spacious than the apartment, but that was a good thing. It would give Annie something to do while he was working, at least for a little while. She could go exploring inside or out – the entire feeling of this place was new and Denny couldn’t have been more excited to find a place that he and Annie both loved. At least, she seemed to love it. That was good enough for Denny, considering it was either move and have more money to be able to support Annie or stay where they were and have to deal with the people in their town. Denny liked the sound, the idea of starting over, to be quite honest.

Within a week to a week and a half, agreements were made and papers were brought about and signed. Denny spoke to his boss at the end of that second week, told him they were ready to start packing, that they’d be moved within the next week from that moment and that a few days after that he’d be ready to go to work at the store in the mall down in Hyannis. And that was it. Moving was easier than he’d planned – rather, planning to move was easier than Denny had planned. Boxes were easy to find around supermarkets and such and packing what little he had took half as much time as he’d expected. Renting a van and moving all of the boxes out of the apartment was a bit challenging considering some of the steps up to the apartment were still broken. He figured no one would ever bother to fix those. But now that he was gone, Denny didn’t care. The stairs would deteriorate, but he and Annie would get a chance to start over, maybe even become new people. That was a far stretch, but Denny could hope. He could imagine, and he could dream that one day they wouldn’t have the issues that they had now; Denny could hope he would eventually not have to constantly tell Annie that nothing was wrong with her – he wanted her to really believe it, but she just didn’t. For now, he’d deal with that. He’d deal with that until there wasn’t anything left to deal with, and not a millisecond sooner.

The new house didn’t feel like home just yet. It had the potential, for sure, but Denny didn’t feel any more at home than he had in the apartment. Maybe that was because his only home was wherever Annie was, or maybe it was because they hadn’t really been living in the house for that long. Actually, they hadn’t really been living there at all just yet. Boxes were cluttered everywhere and the rooms were all empty except for what little furniture they had. It hadn’t seemed like such a small amount of stuff in the apartment, but that was much smaller than this house. There was so much space, so many boxes, almost an entire playground for Leo to run around in, on, around. He didn’t need the outdoors just yet, but the backyard was perfect. No Jacuzzi or pool just yet, but after a few paychecks Denny would start planning that. He wanted to give Annie not only more space, but more things to do. He hated that she had to sit at home and do nothing while he was at work; it sounded so monotonous and boring, two things that Annie definitely had nothing to do with. He worried all day that she’d get so bored that she’d run away or something, never to be seen or heard from again – but he was just paranoid. Denny would come home and Annie would be there, and nothing would be out of place….most of the time. Then again, there always seemed to be an issue trying to tear them apart, but Denny seemed to deal with them as they came. Regardless of work or promotions or new houses, Annie came first, and fixing things between them meant more to him than most other things.

“We need a television. Maybe a radio. Something to fill this White Noise.” Denny was mostly talking to himself, but since Annie was right up against him he didn’t really have a problem with her hearing it. He needed to start making a list of things he wanted to give to Annie; number one: a pool; number two: a television; number three: a child that lives past the stage of pregnancy. Sure, Denny was only twenty-three, Annie only twenty-one, but he felt like maybe a baby would make things better. They had room now for a child or two, maybe three, and the house was so empty so far that he was scared that if he was demanded at work, Annie would be haunted by the absence of movement and noise. She hadn’t been in the apartment, but there hadn’t really been that much to look at there anyway. The front room, yeah, it was comfy, as long as you didn’t look out the front window. The hall was just a blank hall; Denny didn’t really have much to put in the hall considering he hadn’t worked a day in his life since he’d been seventeen. The kitchen was filled with a regular wooden table, a stove, a fridge, cabinets, a sink, and a dishwasher, which was pretty standard for a kitchen. The bedroom had a closet, the only bathroom in the apartment, Denny’s bed, and pretty much everything else that he’d ever owned. This new house had so many more rooms, so many things and places to think about. Denny sort of feared Annie walking around, peeking into an empty room, imagining a baby and crying herself into seclusion again over it.

Then again, maybe she’d have the same reaction if she got pregnant again. Maybe Annie was still scarred from the last one, still scared that it would happen again, that she’d avoid Denny again, sit by herself and stare at Leo for a while between naps. She wouldn’t eat, and that would give her body a reason to abort yet another child. She wouldn’t speak, and that would give way to her mind getting the best of her. She would send Denny off to work without so much as a good morning kiss and he’d worry about her all day because not only would she be emotionally and mentally unstable, but she’d be pregnant and freaking out. But did he really need to worry about that just yet? Annie wasn’t pregnant, as far as he knew. If she was, she hadn’t told him. What if she thought he wouldn’t want it after the last two? Hadn’t they just had a whole conversation about talking things out between the two of them? Denny wanted to hear everything that was going on in her head; he’d stay up all night if he had to, even if he had work the next day, just to understand what cause he was trying to help today. Yeah, a T.V. would help ease those troubles, right? Annie would have less to think about if she was distracted. Even a radio would help. At least Denny hoped they would. He couldn’t necessarily afford one or the other just yet, but eventually. But he had to make choices too, and talk them out with Annie. Does she even want a television? A pool? Another baby? She did have Leo at the moment, but was that the same? Not to Denny, but he was the only one out of the three of them that wasn’t at least part canine.

“Maybe a parrot.” He was still speaking mostly to himself, but he would appreciate input from Annie. A bird would be loud until a sheet was put over its cage, and Denny would be able to care for it the way Annie cared for Leo. Don’t get him wrong; he loved Leo to the extent that wasn’t creepy for a bird to love a dog, but to have that connection that Annie and Leo had with a smaller bird…. It might be nice. Annie might want to strangle the parrot after a few days considering they were quite loud and really only shut up when it was completely dark in their cage, and Beast might want to try and eat the poor thing, but everyone had to make sacrifices, right? Not necessarily. Denny didn’t even know where Beast was, but if he were here then there was no way he was going to be able to get a bird. It would drive the cat insane to the point of either a homicide or the cat just walking out, never to be seen again. Denny had a certain respect for the cat though, and didn’t want him to leave. That was his sacrifice then; the cat, or another bird in the house. Plus, it was easy for Annie to have Leo and Beast; though they didn’t own a litter box, cleaning up after them wasn’t necessary. Annie and Leo went out at the same time, Denny presumed, and Beast came and went as he pleased. Everything was kept outside, and now that they all lived generally on the same floor, everyone could get out without having to run down a flight of stairs outside.

Denny sighed, but smiled. He pulled Annie a bit closer to him, almost afraid she might get up and walk away or something, before looking at her. “What do you think?” he asked, though he wasn’t talking about animals or noise anymore. He was talking about the house, the backyard, the neighborhood, the town. He wanted to make sure Annie was one hundred percent positive of his place before they got really settled in, though it was almost too late for that. Denny wasn’t the greatest with timing. He was glad that he didn’t have to be at work tomorrow – or the rest of the week. His boss didn’t seen the point in him starting on a Wednesday, so Denny was instructed to take this time and spend it with his family. Monday would roll around eventually, but Denny wasn’t even going to worry about that until Sunday night. For now, he was doing as told. Annie was his family; anyone attached to her was also family, which was really only Leo. Beast was there, but Denny could hardly say the cat was family. He didn’t even believe for a second that Beast understood what family was, at least compared to Leo. Speaking of the puppy, he pushed Denny’s foot softly with his cold, wet puppy nose, grabbing his attention if only for a second. But just like that, Denny was back on Annie. He was almost too interested in what she thought, but wasn’t that was he was supposed to be like? He was her husband, her best friend, and he wanted to know about anything that went through her head.

He waited for her response before pausing to go on. “I was thinking about maybe putting a pool in the backyard.” He wanted her opinion on that, considering he was only thinking of it because he knew she’d need some sort of entertainment. He didn’t expect her to want to go out and get a job like he had, but Denny was okay with that. He could provide for the both of them and then some now, which was why he’d thought about children. But they were young; they had lots of time to get to that, lots of time to save up money and do it the right way. Denny wanted his children to have a live he never had, and he knew Annie wanted her children to have a mother the way she had never had one. She must have feared, at least at one point, that they would end up like her, not that Denny ever really blamed her for that. He never asked to confirm or deny the fear either, because that was Annie’s private business and if she wanted to share it with him, she would. He didn’t want to scare her and he didn’t want her thinking that her children would be fucked up just because they were hers. He was here to help, and Denny tried to make it perfectly clear that he would be the best dad he could. For now, there were any children to really worry about; just Denny and Annie, Leo, and Beast (sometimes). When the time came around, and they were actually able to have a baby that would make it past the womb, Denny would come around to assure Annie that yes, he believed what she’d told him months ago – that she would be a great mother.

3814 words -- cora/annie -- work clothes~ -- lyrics to iron & wine -- hi. i added stuff.

[ANNABELLE MARIE HURLEY]

When they were packing, Annie noticed the lack of pictures they had. She was excited to be moving to this beautiful house, but packing was something else. She wasn’t entirely sad to be moving from the apartment. It had a mixture of good and bad, but it was just a place, after all. It was Denny that meant something, really. Leo was excited to be moving, too, Annie could feel it. Everything was going to go without a hitch... until the picture thing slipped Annie up. Most houses had frames with frozen moments, pictures remembered forever. Annie and Denny didn’t have that. If they did, Annie tried to imagine what moments she would freeze. Laying in bed against him, nose to nose, that was her favorite memory and it happened so often. Nothing that could really be captured with a camera. It made her sigh, but she just thought about how they could make more memories for stuff like that. Shelves full of pictures, little frozen increments of growing and changing so that it didn’t seem so drastic.

“We need a television. Maybe a radio. Something to fill this White Noise.” Annie just smiled a little, and tried to wriggle a little closer. She was in such a good mood, and she just wanted to stay pressed against him. After her problem with avoiding him, she just... wanted to make up for all of that and stay as close as possible. She kissed him lightly, softly, just the corner of his mouth because she didn’t think he was paying attention to her in that moment. But she wasn’t exactly bothered by it. She was just content to stay close and understand that he wasn’t totally turned off by her. But she knew he wasn’t at all, she remembered his words. Shoved it into her head, he will always love you, Annie. It felt good to think that. She’d heard it so many times, and she just had to remember that it would be that way.

She laughed quietly, trying to keep things between them. This house was so big and kind of empty with boxes scattered everywhere. This bed wasn’t so empty though, with the two of them so close and Leo at their feet, there wasn’t space to spare. Or maybe there was, but with her legs wrapped in his and his arms around her, she felt close and comfortable. There was the giggle and then she said ”A parrot, huh?” she leaned forward and kissed him a little again. “I was thinking about maybe putting a pool in the backyard.” She scooted closer again. ”A pool sounds nice, though...” she said it absentmindedly, not really thinking about how it actually would’t be nice. A pool meant a bathing suit, and Annie wasn’t so keen on those anymore. She ignored all of that and moved closer again, kissing him for real this time, close close as close as she could get with her legs still tangled between his.

[DENVER CARLOS HURLEY]

Something shifted. Maybe it was the world, finally putting itself in the right place and time. Then again, maybe it was just Leo shifting to get some attention at the end of the bed, but either way it pulled Denny’s attention out of his head and into what was right there in front of him. This place was farther from his mother than he’d like, but Denny could live without constantly seeing her as long as Annie was there. Did that make Annie a replacement? No, not really. Denny took care of Annie, not the other way around….most of the time. But he liked it that way. It wasn’t like he didn’t want Annie to feel independent or able to function on her own, but he supported her and helped however he could; he provided a home for her and a place to sleep, not that he necessarily wanted her to feel like she owed him anything. The only thing Annie owed Denny was love, and now that he had it he wasn’t going to let it go unless Annie expressed it verbally that she didn’t want it. Until that day, he’d take selfishly, but since he was her husband, he didn’t really see anything wrong with it. Annie was giving love willingly to him, so it wasn’t completely selfish. It was more like an exchange, which sounded much better than a selfish, greedy taking.

And everything was good now. Denny didn’t second guess himself on that. Annie wasn’t pushing herself away; she wasn’t curling up to herself and she wasn’t ceasing conversation. She was so close to Denny that he felt like they’d mold into one person, as if they were made out of clay and an artist was trying to create on body out of two. That was a nice feeling. It made everything seem real, and he wasn’t just talking about the move. He was just thinking about everything. All at once, the entire world was real and he didn’t think about the possibility of his life being some sort of dream or a figment of someone else’s imagination. No one seemed larger than he did, to the extent that he felt larger than life. The world was before him, and it felt good to just be standing on top. For once he wasn’t worrying about anything and his mind wasn’t drifting away from a feeling. Maybe this would stick forever. Even with work, maybe this new setting was just what they needed to keep things upbeat and happy. Denny chuckled a bit, trying once again to get himself out of his head. “Maybe a parrot’s not such a great idea.” He’d rather not have another bird around than have to come home to a dead bird, especially if the bird’s death was on someone’s hands – or paws – that lived in the house.

All of the sudden Denny couldn’t wait to shift. He didn’t feel that itch that usually came along with stress or tension, but he wanted to explore the new place. He wanted to meet new clouds and find the moon and the sun. He wanted to spread out his wings and feel the new air, even if it was all the same as it had been back at the apartment. The world was the same, but the setting was new, and it excited Denny almost too much. Thinking about getting to start over in a place where anyone that had even heard of the accident didn’t live anymore made him feel free of the reins he’d been pulled by because of the accident back in the old beach town. Back there, everyone knew who he was, what he’d (supposedly) done. But here….well, none of his classmates lived here, that was for sure. If they did, they lived far enough away that they would never know the difference. This town was too familial for any of them to be here; they were all out at college or working on their careers, taking no time to settle down the way Denny had. Then again, Denny hadn’t gone on to college, not that he cared too much about that. More school would have gotten in the way of him finding Annie, and he honestly doubted any school in the tri-state area would have accepted a juvenile convict. Or something like that. So bottom line, Denny didn’t regret not going to college. His high school diploma got him this far – he was now the manager of a franchise book store in the mall in Hyannis, he had a wife, a dog, and a cat, and a house that fit them all in one. There was absolutely nothing for him to regret.

“I would suggest a fence around the backyard,” he said lightly, imagining it but also imagining Annie at the bottom, howling to get out. “But we came here to get away from being fenced in.” At least Denny had. He couldn’t necessarily speak for Annie, but he did. He wasn’t necessarily sure why, that was just what came out. But at the same time, he could hear a bit of insecurity at the end of what she’d said about the pool. Not enough to worry himself to death over it, but enough to second guess both the fence and the pool. The issue was the fence, honestly; they could go with or without bathing suits with a fence – without a fence, it was a bathing suit or no pool. But was a pool absolutely necessary? A private one over a public pool, sure, but did they absolutely need a private pool? It wasn’t something they needed to live, but it would be a source of entertainment. That was all Denny wanted; he wanted to give Annie things to entertain herself while he was at work, so her days wouldn’t be so long and she wouldn’t miss him so much. It wasn’t that he didn’t want her thinking of him, he just wanted mornings that were hard to deal with to become days where she could function without him right there beside her. He wanted Annie to be independent, at least to a certain extent. He didn’t want her to constantly be waiting around for him and then worry herself dead when he was five minutes late or two steps off.

There he was again, worrying. Today he didn’t need to worry. No work except moving things out of boxes, right? There wasn’t any room to worry unless something valuable was missing, and the only thing that Denny would really freak out over was his guitar. But he’d brought it in the moving truck with him, moved it into the bedroom himself and hid it somewhere in the closet that was twice as big as the one in the apartment. That was a good sign; he could take Annie shopping and get her nice clothes that she could wear without worrying about anyone else, even though that was mostly a possibility that he was hoping for, not a reality. Besides, Annie mostly wore his shirts and shorts. Most of her stuff went untouched until they were absolutely needed to be seen in public. Denny didn’t necessarily care, so he stopped thinking about it. His guitar was safe and Annie was curled right up against him – what did he really have to complain about? Not a single thing. He pulled his arms around her just a little bit tighter to remind himself of that and smiled. He didn’t mean to ruin the mood, but he knew there were actually more people than just himself in Annie’s life. “Did you call Abby? She might freak out and drive all the way up here if she doesn’t hear from you.” He said it jokingly, though he felt like the both of them knew it really would happen. But if Annie had already called her friend or if she planned on calling later, then Denny wouldn’t really push it. He was just trying to be a good, supportive husband and remind his wife that she had at least one friend out there, probably worrying her ass off. Abby wasn’t necessarily that type of person, but when it came to Annie, Denny knew that Abby would walk to the end of the world and back.

Still, he kind of wanted Annie all to himself right now. That selfish streak was breaking through again, but Denny wasn’t stopping it. He let it seep in as he wrapped his arms once again a bit tighter around her, only so much as to keep her where she was. He was still smiling when he kissed her after she responded to him. He let the kiss last because he was just in that kind of mood, only to pull back far enough so that his face was still pressed against hers. Everything seemed so good that he almost didn’t believe that this was actually his life. Not a single moment in his life prior to this one could have amounted to what he felt then. Because he always said it, Denny smiled and nearly whispered, “I love you.” It felt natural, but somehow not monotonous. Saying ‘I love you’ to Annie was different every time, even if he couldn’t explain why. Maybe it was the change of scenery this time, but what about next time? What would it be then? He couldn’t say, but he didn’t care. It was Annie that he got to say it to and that was all that mattered to him.

1588 words -- cora/annie -- work clothes~ -- lyrics to iron & wine -- op denny in a good mood~