-- THE ONLY HOPE FOR ME IS YOU *

[DENVER CARLOS HURLEY]

can i be the only hope for you?
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY HOPE FOR ME.

Okay, this was different. Denny was sort of getting used tot heir kisses getting more and more passionate, not dying down. It was like suddenly there was a little knob on their flame, and someone had their hand firmly on the knob, turning it back to its starting point. He didn’t like this, not one bit. Not only was it taking him out of this extremely happy place, but it was making him start to feel like he did have to worry again. Because this wasn’t him backing out; this was Annie. Of course, he couldn’t be too alarmed. Just because they’d managed to ‘take it to the next level’ or whatever other cruddy way anyone wanted to put it, they were still Denny and Annie. Surprise over this sort of switch wasn’t exactly the right way to put the situation into perspective, even though the two really didn’t have much to do with each other. But then again, in a sort of contrast Denny had to be the one to remain calm. He had to remind himself that he was stability as to where Annie was spontaneity.

In essence, that was enough for him. Reminding himself that he was the grounder, that Annie was the one that needed grounding, Denny just calmed down almost instantly. No matter what the situation was, he’d be the calm one, the one to sit down and try to talk sense back into Annie. That was his job, and for the moment it kept him under wraps. Plus, this detraction wasn’t an all at once kind of thing. Annie was slowly pulling back, almost too hesitant to be pulling away at all. But she was; he could feel it undeniably in the feelings passed between them. Maybe he had some affinity for loving her or whatever (because in this world, no one really knew what was impossible), and along with that just came the ability to read her feelings but not her thoughts. Or maybe they were just so connected on a level neither of them could comprehend that they could just tell by looking for kissing how they really felt. Whatever it was, Denny could feel the retraction of feeling, until her lips weren’t even touching his anymore.

So whatever it was, their connection was between physical contact. But that included holding hands; they didn’t need to be in such a heated mood to have that thing between them. That thought, too, eased Denny’s mind. He wasn’t too sure why, but it did, and so when she told him what her intentions were, he watched her intently even though he really did trust her. If he found it so hard to lie to her, would she find it just as hard to lie back? Well, Denny couldn’t tell that much, but he hoped so. It would give him more reason to trust her than she was already giving her, at least as far as promises and intentions went. Still he watched her carefully as she leaned over to get her clothing articles, but not with a judging eye. As said before, Denny was not a judge, felt no room to judge, and so he was just watching to make sure.

In fact, he made sure to keep a straight, relaxed gaze as he did so, just to not freak her out even more than he thought she was. He didn’t watch her put the clothing on though, out of respect and the knowledge of her fear/hatred of being scrutinized. He was honestly a good boy, which made him sound eight but still, he looked at his fingers in his lap like he was bored in math class or something. Anything to give Annie whatever space she needed, to have her understand he was just going to sit there and let her do her thing. Okay, now he seemed lazy and uninterested, when really he was just the opposite. He stole a glance upward and had to force himself not to reach out and stroke her legs. As creepy as that sounded, it was almost like he was contracting some kind of fetish for those beauties – and the word beauties there just gave it all away.

Denny just needed his mind off of those legs. He couldn’t say ‘off of any legs’ because there were no other legs; just Annie’s were on his mind. Thankfully, she laid back against him again, so her legs were stretched out in front of her and his attention was on her face against his skin. She didn’t think it was weird that he was naked still and she was the only one dressed? Well, whatever she preferred. Still, that didn’t mean that Denny didn’t think it was weird. Now he felt a bit exposed, but this was Annie, and as long as he kept his sheets over his legs, he’d be good. All of a sudden though, with her this close to him, kissing didn’t make a difference. Her legs didn’t make a difference. His lack of clothing didn’t make a difference. They were just Annie and Denny. They were just themselves and in that moment, everything was real and in perspective.

Well, part of Denny was a bit on edge still. He’d just….done it, the real it, and though he didn’t regret it he’d thought that it would have been so different. He thought he would have planned it, but he’d been prepared in any case. He thought it would have been in a much nicer bed, at a much later date in time, but a bigger part of him, the part of him that was just totally happy with Annie where she was and how close she’d let him get regardless of the sex, couldn’t have cared less. His bed was fine. Last night had been perfect, and this huge part of him couldn’t have imagined having done it at any later date or in any different place. Though he was slightly unnerved by his rambling thoughts of how last night could have been better, he overall knew it really couldn’t have been. It wasn’t one of those thoughts that was buried deep in his mind either; he knew it up and front that last night, this morning, everything was just perfect.

You should make me breakfast. First, her voice had grabbed hold of his attention again. He lightened up a bit and nearly broke his face in a smile. Annie, asking for food? Well, besides the night that literally started all of this a week ago with spaghetti dinner, Annie hadn’t really asked Denny to eat. It had been him that had dragged her to Thanksgiving Dinner yesterday – wow, that felt like it was lifetimes ago instead of less than twenty-four hours ago – and it had been him that had hoped she’d eat something so they could leave sooner. So second, the fact that she was bringing up food that she wanted to eat willingly brought his smile even wider, nearly cracking his smile down the middle. He looked at her as best he could with the position they were in – his arm around her shoulders while hers was around his stomach – and said, “Whatever you want. What’re you in the mood for?”

He waited for her answer before smiling again, though he hadn’t noticed he had stopped smiling. His face was numb from the previous grins, he guessed. “Coming right up!” He thought about cooking naked but…….yeah the thought just made him feel a bit awkward himself. He was glad Annie couldn’t read his mind in that moment – he wasn’t even sure he wanted to think of that again. So as discreetly as he could, he reached over for his basketball shorts, slipped them on quietly, then waited for Annie to join him on his way into the kitchen. Before he headed into the stove-area, he turned swiftly and planted a kiss on Annie’s lips, quick and sweet, just to let her know he wasn’t hurt or disappointed. He’d know there needed to be a time sometime today when they’d get out of bed and face the day together. He hadn’t really expected it to be that early, but he wasn’t complaining at the same time. Besides, he was starting to get a bit hungry himself.

Breakfast seemed to be calling both of their names.




1391 -- OUTFIT. -- i made but lyrics go to my chem duh. -- hehe it's cute still :D

[ANNABELLE MARIE HURLEY]

if you are the shore than
I AM THE WAVES, BEGGING FOR A BIG MOONS.

Annie immediately felt bad when she saw the smile that brightened Denny's face because she wasn't really hungry at all. She didn't want any food, and the thought of keeping it down made her quite sick, actually  But if he was willing to buy the lie, she would make it worthwhile. She supposed she could put up a convincing front for the sake of keeping that beautiful smile on his face. She felt so guilty though, because, apparently unlike him, she knew where this meal would end up; later in the day when she found an excuse to take a trip back to her house, her stomach would be empty once more. It made her sad, and when she saw him get out of bed she knew that the long moment of this morning was dead, and she had killed it. She wished she could take it all back, and just ignore her self conscious tendencies. She ruined so much just by shying from his touch, if she could have just sucked it up and got over it then they would still be - nakedly - cuddling and kissing like they should be.  (Although she did appreciate the subtlety of him dressing.) but she couldn't, so she had to deal with the consequences. 

She rolled out of bed too. "French toast." she hoped that sounded convincing. She hadn't had french toast since she was little, and maybe a little blast from the past would be enough to convince her to keep it down for a while. She followed him into the kitchen like a lost puppy, but was delightfully surprised when he turned to kiss her. A sweet, short kiss that left her a little breathless even if it was brief. It was just a quick peck but she appreciated it a lot. It eased her nerves about ruining things. It was like saying she was forgiven and she gladly accepted that. 

Annie hopped on the counter next to the stove and watched Denny intently, crossing her legs by her ankles. She was silent, and just watched him move around the kitchen, not really able to think of anything to say. It didn't matter though, because sometimes silent was nice. 

However, once his hands were his hands were empty Annie pulled him over by the arm so he was standing in front of her. She smiled a little, sliding her hand that was on his arm down to his hand, and moving it's sibling to do likewise. She rested their enclasped hands on her thighs, and looked up at him again. When she looked into his eyes her smile got bigger, breaking into a grin that exposed her teeth. "You have all of me…" she said quietly, louder than a whisper but still quieter than normal speech.  She meant it, too. After last night she had given up her last physical boundary, and her last emotional one, too. She admitted her love for him with out adding things like "kind of" and "I think", and she had let him go as far physically as she could imagine. It was weird though, because neither of those things were planned. But maybe that's what made them more sincere. There wasn't anything to hold back, as far as he was concerned. So that meant he had all of her. He had her body which included her legs and he had her heart and her mind and everything else she could name and everything that she couldn't. He had it all. 



idk - outfit - lyrics to fob, sob. - short, but.… yeah you know why.

[DENVER CARLOS HURLEY]

can i be the only hope for you?
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY HOPE FOR ME.

Denny wasn’t all that great of a cook. Well, it wasn’t like he exactly sucked or anything, but he wasn’t Mario Batali or Rachel Ray. He couldn’t whip up half a good a meal as his mother could, and he knew that. Still, if Annie wanted French toast, he was going to give it to her, no matter how mediocre it came out. So with that, he headed to his stove and pulled out a flat pan with round edges. He pulled out all of the ingredients and started up the heat, preferring to keep a good but workable distance from the stove due to the fact that he wasn’t wearing a shirt. He watched the food intently though, trying not to burn himself as well as the bread. He watched it soak up the egg he’d put into a bowl then cook as he put it into the pan as fast but carefully as he could, trying to preserve the flavor without getting too messy. That was inevitable with Denny though, so after a few tries he just gave up on caring about that.

Once everything was in one pan on the stove, he put everything that wasn’t being used into the sink before Annie noticed he was free. She pulled him to her, and she of all people knew he wasn’t about to walk away from that. He stepped closer to her, actually, just because he could and again she was the one making the advances. Sure, it had been fun doing that himself in the few instances he had since yesterday, but it was definitely safer to do this Annie’s way, to let her be the leader. It was cheesy the way she was holding his hand, but suddenly throughout the week Cheesy had gone from freakish to actually acceptable – in times like these, more than that even. Denny just held Annie’s hands, and it almost looked like he was about to get on one knee and propose. However, he didn’t have a ring (first of all) and they were still young. Sure, he’d promised himself to her forever, he’d kept that promise as long as he could, but he wasn’t even sure if that sort of thing was on his own roster let alone Annie’s. Plus, they’d only just gotten ‘together’ a week ago. Proposals were way out of the question.

However, her statement wasn’t that far off all things considered. Simply replying with ‘you too’ would be the understatement of the year. Of the century. She didn’t just merely have all of him; Annie had him on this podium that at any time she could simply knock over and the birdcage she was keeping him in would crumble just enough to kill him. He didn’t think she’d do that unless he did something to her to make her want to, but Denny had promised himself and Annie at the same time that he would do anything he could to avoid doing just that. It was wonderful to feel this way, regardless of the birdcage on a stool analogy. That was just the way he saw things; the reality of it all was that Annie really did have everything that he was and everything that he could ever be. He’d been used to changing throughout his life, but now all change would pertain to taking care of Annie and keeping her happy and in love with him.

He leaned down a bit, just because he was so tall and she was sitting down, but he didn’t do it in a demeaning way. He didn’t want to make her seem belittled, he just wanted to be eye level with Annie. “You,” he started, then paused for lack of anything to say. He had to think of something quick, something that was as honest as anything else that had ever come out of his mouth but times a million. “You completely have me. Every part of me, every part of anything that as to do with me. It’s all yours,” he finally spit out. Denny had to stop himself there, because he could feel the tacky nickname ‘baby’ hanging there on the tip of his tongue. It almost grossed him out, but the smell of the French toast totally fixed that. Another thing to fix it right up, he pushed his face towards Annie’s and kissed her again. Not needy or pushy as a push would have suggested, but just to remind her that he was there and he was going to be there for her for as long as she wanted him to be.

He smelled that the French toast was done, so he pulled back but dipped in for another peck before hurrying to put the toast on a plate. Once they were all in a nice, neat pile, he pulled them over to Annie and set out two place, two forks, and two knives. “Want anything to drink? I don’t have much but…..I have orange juice!” He sounded so excited for some juice. Oh, the very things that kept Denny’s Vulture mind amused. Well, the most he could ask for was that his orange juice wasn’t sour or whatever it got when Orange juice went bad. It hadn’t so he poured himself a glass, then poured Annie a glass of what she’d agreed to. He brought them around, took a seat next to her, and dug in. Surprisingly, they were a lot better than he’d expected. That was a plus, but really he wondered what Annie thought. Then again, if she didn’t like his cooking he wouldn’t take it personally. He knew he wasn’t the best, so if she didn’t like it he’d just take her out from now on.

Denny’s (no pun inte- okay, every pun intended) was better than Denver’s cooking anyway.

Still, he asked because he felt he had to. “What do you think?” He looked over at Annie and slipped his elbow against her arm, smiling the whole time. Sometimes he was such a child, but it was all in fun. This morning kind of called for it, just incase things got awkward fast, you know? Denny didn’t want that to happen, so he tried all he could to avoid it. It really didn’t take too much effort – whatever they had between them was enough to keep them in light moods. Well, as light as they could be. As light as they would be, and Denny was okay with that. “I know it’s nothing compared to my mom’s cooking but eh, I tried.” He shrugged, still smiling though. He just couldn’t stop, not when he was so in love and so….utterly happy. There was no stopping this grin, no stopping this feeling (for the moment), and even though he felt kind of overly cutesy – which was so out of character for him it wasn’t even funny – he was happy.




1148 -- OUTFIT. -- i made but lyrics go to my chem duh. -- it's so short that the length is gross. otherwise this is kind of eh. :/

[ANNABELLE MARIE HURLEY]

if you are the shore than
I AM THE WAVES, BEGGING FOR A BIG MOONS.

You completely have me. Every part of me, every part of anything that as to do with me. It’s all yours, Annie watched him as he spoke, realizing that was a lot to give. To give so much of oneself just because, to give over all of his feelings and time and affection and protection… it was a lot and she was slowly learning to be grateful for it. She blinked, and smiled because she never realized she would have something so great as that. She never saw herself as deserving much more than she created for herself, which wasn't very much most of the time, because most of the time she couldn't really be assed. Denny gave her so much, because he was already a great guy and he was telling her that all of that was just for her. She could fight and fight and say she wasn't worth it, but instead of denying it and saying she didn't deserve all of that and argue with him over it, she would just try and give back as much as she could. Besides, arguing with him over how much she deserved was useless when she knew she wanted all of him either way. Every single part of him was something Annie wanted, all of his emotions, all of his body, all of his affection. She definitely wanted that because she couldn't bare to share him. Annie smiled at him as he leaned forward and kissed him, kissing back sweetly and not needing because she was happy at that point. She may not have saved the morning, but at least she was improving it. 

Her entire demeanor changed when the food was put in front of her. She heard herself say "Just water, please." but it sounded like someone else was saying it, like she was watching herself from under water. Annie wasn't able to focus on what was really happening because there was so much chaos going on in her head. An endless debate that showed up whenever any plate of food was pushed in front of her: she couldn't eat it. She knew it had been a bad decision to ask him to cook. She had been impulsive in that second though, and she didn't want to take away his smile. He had looked so sad when she pushed away for the sweatshirt, she'd just wanted to fix it so bad. And then there was the smile on his face when she had asked for food; she couldn't bear to take that away, too. But as she looked at the plate she realized that she was about to make the decision so much worse. She knew she couldn't eat this, she would feel too guilty when she vomited it all up later. Because she knew she would do that. It was inevitable at this point. She could still fill the thanksgiving dinner from the night before sitting in her stomach like a rock, and it made her nauseous. Looking at the food in front of her just made it worse, and she thought she was going to just throw up what was already in her stomach all over the table. It was terrible that she felt that uneasy about eating. 

She didn't know what to do about it. The feelings boiling in the pit of her stomach disgusted even her. She had no idea how he would feel, or how she would react to this entire deal. What do you think? Annie couldn't even comprehend what he said. She just stared at her plate disbelievingly. Finally, she realized she had to say something. This silence was eerie. "Denny…" she started, and then paused. What would she fill in that silence? She couldn't think of the words to say, she wasn't a very verbose kind of girl. How did she tell him that she wouldn't eat? He most definitely did not want to hear this, so how did she tell him? At this point he probably already knew what was bothering her, but it was only fair - although cruel - that he heard it from her own mouth. She chewed the inside of her cheek in hesitation. So that's what would happen, she would somehow find a way to phrase this and present the issue to him. They had to stop avoiding the elephant in the room, even if it was just her imagination that drove the situation to such extremes. "I can't eat this. It was mean of me to ask you to make it. I just… I can't eat it. I'll feel guilty later when -" she cut herself short because she couldn't finish that sentence. When she what? Not only would it cause something bad between them, she physically could not say the rest of that thought. She floundered in the silence she had created before beginning again, trying to fill the silence so hurriedly that her words started to rush together. "- I'll feel guilty."



828 - outfit - lyrics to fob, sob. - short, but.… yeah you know why.

[DENVER CARLOS HURLEY]

can i be the only hope for you?
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY HOPE FOR ME.

Necessary evils were just one of those things Denny had gotten used to. Or so he thought. He hadn’t gotten used to hearing about Annie’s bulimia, even though the subject had sure enough come up a few times over the past week. He hadn’t even gotten used to actually having Annie where she was, how she was, but there she actually was. There she was, telling him the one thing he’d dreaded hearing since yesterday at dinner. He didn’t know what to do hardly; he sort of just kind of sat there and listened to her. He couldn’t do much outside of just that. His head was swimming again, thoughts running through it like easily scared kids running through a haunted house. All of his thoughts just swam , and he played the confused shark that didn’t know which one to go for first. He couldn’t mentally grab on to anything, and for a minute he was scared of what he was feeling and thinking.

Then it all paused. It didn’t stop, but it paused. His mind took a break and he looked at Annie. See, he wasn’t mad because she’d made him get out all of this shit and cook some really cruddy French toast just so she wouldn’t eat it. No, the effort put into the breakfast was actually what had mattered. What was making him a bit irritated was the fact that she was confessing that she knew she’d end up just throwing up. He didn’t care that it was his food she’d be wasting, didn’t care necessarily that she’d be throwing it into a place it didn’t belong; what really ate at his core was the fact that she knew what she was doing, and she was still going to give in. He thought things had changed – actually, no, he didn’t. Denny knew things hadn’t changed, at least not to this extent. Sure, they’d made it to a whole new level neither of them had planned on getting to this fast, but that didn’t mean everything about them changed.

Denny was still the self doubting, ominous shadow that hardly spoke to anyone because no one gave him two glances since the accident. Annie was still the extremely complicated, unreadable girl Denny had always found her to be. When they weren’t somehow physically connected, she was just that girl he always tried to figure out, the girl that he would never completely understand. Suddenly, that was coming back on him full force, and it really irritated him.

No sooner did he get closer to Annie did something come along to make him take a step back. He didn’t want to be too redundant and say it was part of the cycle, but this was beginning to get a bit ridiculous.

Maybe that was what pissed him off so much. He was tired of running circles, always knowing what was going to happen next but hoping something would be different. And when it wasn’t, he was sad and mad and god he couldn’t even come up with the right words to describe it. But then he rebounded and the whole thing started over again, and he was just sick of it in that moment. Any other moment, where he wasn’t really mad because Annie was deliberately doing this to herself, he would have just passed it off, thrown their breakfasts away, and sat down again with a sigh. But no; every little thing he could find to piss him off he was finding, and every little thing he could find to use against both himself and Annie was evident to him in that moment. It was his fault he kept letting this happen; it was her fault that she was even doing that to her body in the first place.

He needed to calm down, that was all. No, fuck that. He was tired of being up then down then up then down! Again, it was an impulse to feel this way; any other situation where he wasn’t firing himself up and Denny would have just sat there and shrugged. But not this morning, not when he was so volatile himself. There was no reminding him that he was the stable one; Denny lost his calm and cool collectiveness and just held his hands over his face. This was how he got mad? Around Annie, sure; around people like Seth…….well, they’d both seen that earlier in the week. That wasn’t him though. Well, it was, but Denny would never, ever get that way around Annie if Annie again. He wouldn’t let himself, even if he would get mad and irritated and just wanted to scream. Being that way around Annie would just make him more depressed than angry.

Instead, he was just pissed off. He didn’t stand up, but his once loose, nearly flimsy arms turned tense. His fingers clenched tight, and he had to look away not to bite back, metaphorically of course. He bit his lip in aggravation, nearly biting it off. When he was at least calm enough to speak, he turned around and gave her a look that clearly let his emotions all out of the box. “I can’t believe it.” He could; like he’d thought before, nothing had really changed. “I thought things might be different. I’d hoped they would be.” How she didn’t think he was trying to control her, he had no idea. He wasn’t, that was for sure, because in order to do that Denny had to be cunning and keep a close eye on her at all times. He didn’t have enough energy or time in a day to do that. Either way, he wasn’t trying to control or change her, but he had hoped she would change on her own. “Fuck breakfast. Fuck the fact that I made it all for you – that doesn’t matter to me.”

It didn’t matter how mad he was, he still couldn’t really bring himself to say the word. Bulimic just ran through his head a few times, fueling his anger. It made him grit is teeth as he looked away from Annie. He couldn’t sit there and stare her down like this, and he knew it. It would break her, it would break him because it would break her, and breaking things was just the last thing Denny was trying to do. Well, besides breaking this habit of hers. “I don’t know what I was thinking.” He sighed, stood up, took both of their plates, and threw the food away. Without saying anything, he just threw the plates and forks into the sink. His clear, calm, extremely euphoric mood was gone, so far down I-95 that it might as well have been in Georgia by now. There was no way she was going to calm down if she kept doing this to herself.



1141 -- OUTFIT. -- i made but lyrics go to my chem duh. -- it's a bit short for me but i felt like that was a good place to end it :)

[ANNABELLE MARIE HURLEY]

if you are the shore than
I AM THE WAVES, BEGGING FOR A BIG MOONS.

Annie didn't know how to deal with any of this, honestly. Denny was irritable, distant, angry. Not nearly as bad as he had been with Seth, but enough so that he was a different person, a different version of himself. Annie sure as hell didn't know how to react to that. So she did what she always did when she was afraid, when she was unsure of a situation: she got angry. Anger was her fall back, violence and ignorance were things that were concrete, she knew them well. Like familiar friends, they invaded her mind gratefully. Metaphorically, her hackles raised, but you could see it physically, through her body language. The way she was carrying herself completely changed, and she stood up. She felt the emotion flood her whole body, she felt it bite into her muscles as she listened to Denny's words, as she watched him walk away. His words swam in her head confusingly, shiftily. It was almost like she couldn't grab them, if she did they would sift through her fingers. It was like his words weren't real, but she knew all too well that they were. When his back was to her, Annie felt something in her snap. "Believe what?" she spat, standing up. Thought things would change.

Annie closed her eyes and shook her head, feeling venom grit in between her teeth. She couldn't hold it in when she wanted so badly to yell. However, when she spoke, she did not yell. Her voice was at a normal level, but the infliction on certain words made it seem like she was screeching. "Are you stupid? So much has changed. Be thankful for that." Annie was only half meaning what she was saying, but she wished she could shut her mouth from it altogether. She didn't mean Denver was stupid, but she was right. She was very right about the change. Already so much had changed, and she thought he was expecting too much of her to have it all changed. She had dropped so many habits for him in just a week She trusted him, she loved him. And she had told him those things. That was the biggest thing she could ever give him, and it was already given. She had nothing left. This made him seem too selfish, like he was turning his nose up at her because she didn't have enough. She didn't have enough secrets, didn't have enough sacred things that she could give him. Was she so damaged that the biggest things she could give him were trust and love? Was he so blind that he didn't realize that was all she had to give? Her mind was reeling by how much her perceptions where changing. This was Annie they were talking about. You couldn't expect so much from her, and it made her very angry that he did.

"No. You know what? Fuck you. Denny, you don't have to believe anything. It's just the way it is. You can't change that," she slammed her hand on the counter. "You can't change me. And you know that. You're my best friend." She made a disgusted sound in the back of her throat. "What made you think that...? And if you say love, so help me..."

idk - outfit - lyrics to fob, sob. - short. same reasons as always.

[DENVER CARLOS HURLEY]

can i be the only hope for you?
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY HOPE FOR ME.

What was he doing? That question had popped up quite a bit in the last week, but really what was he doing? He was fighting with the one person he’d told himself, and her, that he wouldn’t betray. Well, fighting and betraying were two things; fighting over a betrayal was a different story altogether, and it totally didn’t fit their situation anyway. Denny had been with Annie almost every day this past week – she would have known if he’d betrayed her. He wasn’t guilty of that, and she wasn’t accusing him that. She was accusing him of being accusatory, which was pretty valid at that point. That didn’t mean a thing to Denny though; he’d hoped so much that Annie wouldn’t try to destroy herself from the inside out anymore, and for whatever reason the fact that she couldn’t do it pissed him off. Maybe it was because she put up this strong, glued-together front before a lot of people, but she didn’t with him.

She was just Annie with her, so what was he doing going around expecting this from her? Actually, expecting wasn’t even the correct word. He didn’t expect anything; he’d hoped and prayed this would have changed. And every time that thought ran through his mind, so did the word bulimic, which then just made him even more irritated. It made his bones want to turn around in their sockets. It made his toes curl and his nostrils flare. He turned away again because he didn’t want Annie to see him get so worked up over this stupid word. He tried to force the thoughts into his mind that hey, he kind of loved Annie (and had made love to her just hours before this), but it didn’t work. It was just as useful as throwing a baseball at a brick wall. The words that reminded him of happiness just broke into a million little pieces to be swept up and stored in the very back of his mind. Somehow, that of all things calmed him down though. He was able to sigh again, turned back, and gave Annie a straight, unreadable face.

“So much?” His voice wasn’t an innocent question – it was heavy with sarcasm intended to hit a chord in her. Somewhere in his head he knew so much had changed. Within the last week, they’d gone from best friends, to girlfriend and boyfriend, to love makers (even though that term was just a substitute for the lack of anything else to call that situation). They’d broken down each other’s walls that each of them had built up over their years being alive on this earth; they’d both fought the battles on either side of the walls; they’d both found each other wholly and truly on the other side. So in truth, Denny did sound extremely ungrateful, but on the other hand he didn’t think Annie was getting the point. He didn’t think she was understanding what was pissing him off. “If so much changed, you wouldn’t be blatantly telling me you’re gonna go home and gag yourself until it all ends up in the drainage under your apartment.”

After that, he didn’t know what to say. What could he say to make this better, not worse? Nothing, really. Plus, Denny wasn’t exactly in the right mindset to go about saying the right thing. Nothing that would come out of his mouth would sound right, even if he’d turned his head around and made the right words be verbal and physical beings. It would all sound accusatory, because that was the mindset he was in, whether it was the right mindset or not. Still, the predator, scavenger part of his mind took over, looking for any bits or pieces he could use against her. This was wrong, he knew, but he couldn’t stop it. That monster that he’d fought the night before had creeped back in, snapped his mental stability with the thought of her bulimia, and brought him into this awful, wretched mood. It made him a monster, turned him upside down and shook all of the good out of him until all that was left was pure vulture instincts and tendencies. Vultures weren’t exactly known to be sparring or merciful.

“Ruining your insides is not just the way it is, Annie.” He sounded angry, without a doubt, but he didn’t speak through gritted teeth in fear of the wolf in front of him. Sure, the claws would come out if the monster wanted them to, but although they weren’t known for being very easy going, Vultures were definitely known for waiting around until something died. He could wait; he’d be patient until Annie took the first strike. “Turning to vomiting every time you eat is not just the way it is.” He was quickly forgetting that this was Annie; that anything was possible with her because she didn’t really define the word ‘impossible’. He clutched onto his counter, wrapping his fingers around the edge as to keep himself steady. The monster would allow that, mostly because the monster had perched before and knew what wonders it would bring if he held on for a long enough period of time.

Physically, Denny felt every muscle in his body flaring. He actually didn’t look defensive, but he felt it. He looked more like a bird of prey, holding onto a branch in patience as animals scurried across the desert sand. He looked more like a cunning, conniving bird waiting for something to drop dead so he could swoop down, clutch it in his curved beak, and fly away without a second thought or regret in his mind. No matter how powerful the monster was, it wasn’t a killer, just a patient garbage man waiting for the cans to be put out on the curb. That’s what he was doing; he was waiting for Annie to lay a piece of her garbage on the table so he could scoop it up, fly away, and never look back with it. And that was the main difference between him and the monster. The monster never gave anything back, never even gave a second glance back. Denny was loyal, Denny was definitely human in some ways. With the thought, the monster smiled in his mind, which caused him to smirk at Annie without him even controlling the action.

The human, Annie-loving part of him knew he’d later regret that.

And then her words stung. Through the monstrous haze, through the animalistic intentions coursing through his veins, she really stung him. She’d taken one of his own talons, long, sharp, and shiny, and drug it along his arm until there was one long line of skin opening behind the cut. It cut through the monster, made Denny wince, and he nearly ducked in defense against the pain. The cut on his arm, though it wasn’t real, was bleeding out the monster, kicking it out of his system but leaving behind a haziness that left him just as pissed off as he had before. She’d freed the beast from his mind, but she didn’t wipe away the hurt or the anger. Everything rushed around him at once, and he felt like he would explode in rage if he didn’t say something soon. “God damn it, Annie!” He sounded desperate, but he was in pain. It was natural for him to sound so out of control with a struggle behind his words.

He let his brows furrow down into a fierce look, one not similar to that of his vulture’s cynical smirk, but rather just an angry, hollow look. “I never said I wanted to change you. I don’t want to change you – but this…..this disease is not a part of you!” Her words held truth, as did his to some extent. Self consciousness was a part of everyone, but bulimia? That wasn’t. It was contracted. It wasn’t a part of a person, and it could easily be taken care of with help. But Annie wasn’t reaching for the normal help consisting of therapy and dietary plans. The real reason he was so pissed was because he’d talked himself into believing he was her cure, that without trying he could rid of this horrible habit. She was proving him wrong fast, and it was angering him faster than anything ever had. “Maybe it is because I love you,” he started, “or maybe not!” He sighed, holding on to the counter with even more force, testing his self control now that he was sure the monster was gone.

He shook his head though, knowing that he hadn’t thought that because he loved her. “I thought that because you trust me. I thought that because I thought ‘Hey, maybe Annie understands the way I feel about it and takes my feelings into consideration, like I’ve taken hers since meeting her.’ But obviously not; obviously, you’d rather just resort to whatever you feel like.” He almost spit out a ‘Typical Annie’, but spared her the cut. His mind was being taken over by the feelings he’d felt last night, this morning slowly. The thoughts, feelings, words were all creeping their way into his mind, and he was losing grip on the counter. He was knocking sense into himself, and more and more with every passing second he really just wanted to kick his own ass for this. But he still had a fire fueling this rage, and so it wasn’t over. “But I guess you’re right. I can’t help, I can’t do anything if you don’t want it!”

That was enough for him to mentally take his own hand and strangle his brain until he was physically shaking.




1614 -- OUTFIT. -- i made but lyrics go to my chem duh. -- omfg violetn denny is mentally violent wtf.

[ANNABELLE MARIE HURLEY]

\

if you are the shore than
I AM THE WAVES, BEGGING FOR A BIG MOONS.

Annie didn’t want to deal with what Denny was putting her through in that moment. He was mixing up her whole world and she couldn’t keep track. Everything was going backwards. She still felt the anger coursing through her, but it was literally like she was split in half; there was the part of her that was still angry and still strong, the part of her that he saw there, and the part of her that everyone thought she was. There was her defense of sarcasm and backbone, and then there were her influx of emotions that she let Denny see, usually, that she left vulnerable to him. Now they were closed off, however. Now he had no view into how she really felt, and now he just saw the anger. But on the inside she was incredibly vulnerable, inside she was crying and screaming and hitting the walls of her mind. She was like a dog laying on it’s back, but still growling and snarling. Her stomach was exposed, and he could just rip it right out, but she pretended like that wasn’t how it was. She pretended that it wasn’t like that, and still held up her violent front.

Either Denny was fooled by her show of strength, or he was feeling very mean that evening. The only time she’d ever seen him so worked up was when Seth had insulted her, but there was a huge difference between then and now; then he had been protective, and now he was just being mean. She was shocked by how much his words hurt her, by how much the sarcasm from them whipped across her face. The pain was sharp, exact, a slap across her cheekbone. Annie was burned by the action, she was torn up by the simple, involuntary twitch of his facial muscles. She screamed on the inside, but on the outside she kept her gaze steady, playing off any hurt that she felt inwards. That was just how Annie was used to living life. She was used to hiding it all because she had to. He continued in that manner, going on about how things hadn’t changed. She wanted to scream at him; he was so wrong! So much had changed! That brought the anger back enough for her to metaphorically roll back onto her feet and defend herself from the blows Denny didn’t even know he was throwing.

She snarled a little, quietly, her lip curling back. Anger bloomed between her teeth and felt heavy on her tongue. She had to let it out somehow. ”But Denny. You don’t know anything about it. You know everything about me, but nothing about this,” she looked herself up and down, and focused her gaze back on him, daring him to say something, but forcing submission at the same time. ”And yeah. That’s just the way it is.”

She didn’t know what to say after that, so she just watched quietly. Annie’s eyes were calculating, remembering everything. She hated this, because she had to watch it, she had to store it for later. Annie might have to use it against him; that made her sick that they were at this point. She watched him get angry, she watched all his movements. He was losing the control from his human body. Vulture was diluting into his eyes, and Annie saw it. He was losing his control, and it was scary to her. Annie never had control, she was human and wolf all the time. She never had control over it, she was always both, she was always one and the same. To see Denny lose his humanity, even just momentarily… it sickened her slightly, it disturbed her. Annie wasn’t used to this side of Denver at all, and it honestly just made her feel very afraid.

His smirk, that did it. His face twisted into something terrible. She was used to his playful smirks when he was fooling with her, when they were being light-hearted together. This was not like that. This was different, this wasn’t him at all. He wouldn’t have a look like that… would he? Maybe some people would accept things like that from someone they saw as a former convict, but Annie knew he would never be like that. He was sweet, he was good, he wasn’t this. She let her defenses slip momentarily, and her eyes went wide. She’d been holding her emotions together so well but for that moment all guards slipped and her face and heart were exposed. He knew her, he knew her pride and he knew her ego. He knew the pain that one smirk gave her. It was more than any attack he could have given her. It was as if he’d plucked her heart out right from her chest, holding it between his talons. Taunting, mocking. At first she was merely aghast that he had the audacity to let that expression show, but then the anger came through her again. He was taunting her, he was mocking her.

She wanted to yell again, but she couldn’t think of anything to say, and she still couldn’t get rid of the fear that had taken hold of her. She couldn’t look in his eyes; there was too much vulture in them. Annie was a predator, but every predator was prey for someone else. That was a scary thought to her, and it translated over into her human behavior. Her emotions were prey, and she guarded them well; or so she had thought. Denny was proving her wrong, but it was weird because she didn’t think that her emotions were dead. No, on the contrary: when she looked at him she could feel just how alive they really were.

And maybe that’s what made this worse, because he was the one preying on his creations.

She couldn’t help the fear that had driven into her mind, and so she took a step back. It was cautious, it was hesitant. It was just a testing step backwards. But the intent was clear. And after that first step it was impossible to not take more. And so she did, she took one, and another, slowly backing away from him. His words were a blur to her at this point. She wasn’t listening to what he said, but the way he was talking was clear. It was as if he was trying to break her down. She couldn’t stand it much longer. Annie closed her eyes and shook her head as Denny’s entire body seemed to convulse.

And then she turned around, and ran out. She literally sprinted out of Denver’s apartment. She didn’t want him to stop her, and she needed to get out before she changed her mind. And so she did. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t wearing pants, of shoes, or that it was generally freezing outside. As long as she got out.

As soon as the air hit her she wanted to shift. Her human body couldn’t handle it, whereas her wolf coat could. But she couldn’t shift, it just didn’t make sense in her mind… not that her mind was particularly clear at this point anyway. But she had to do something, she couldn’t stop. Her legs were already sort of numb from the cold.
Just one option: run.

And so she ran home.


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